Ice Never Lasts Long
by PokeTail
Summary: Sometimes life becomes too painful to cope. People died to save him. All the boy wanted was to remain with his loved ones in eternal happiness, but not even death could rid the boy of his misery and guilt.


**Hola! Here's an angsty one-shot for you lovelies. BTW, this fic involves depression and attempted suicide so I probably should have rated this M... Oh well, enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own FT *sob***

* * *

The boy felt like a sheet of ice; standing there, waiting to shatter. Alive, yet waiting for the release of death. Ice never lasts long.

It began when his parents died. The boy - no older that eight - stood there wide-eyed as the unblinking eyes of his parents gazed back at him. The boy truly idolised his parents. They were strong and courageous. He, on the other hand, was weak and cowardly. After the calamity came along, the boy was left alone, staring at his parents still twitching bodies. They were dead, dead, DEAD! And what did he do? Absolutely nothing. The boy remained where he stood, asking himself, Why did this happen? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I still live? When the claw of the demon had made contact with the boys fragile being, he'd thought that it would all be over. That he would be returned to his loving parents' side and remain in eternal happiness. So for the boy to wake up to agonising pain, he knew that he must have been in hell. A hell known as life.

The boy felt blank. An emotionless abyss that he was falling through, with no end in sight.

It got worse when Ur died. The boy had been so thankful to the woman. She had guided him through the fiery depths of hell and tried to shine a light on his darkened world. Ur had longed to see a smile on the boy's features, a smile that rarely ever appeared. And with every passing day, the boy started noticing the light at the end of the tunnel. However, the hope he was chasing was just an illusion. His moment had finally come to prove to his parents that he could be strong, he could be courageous, just like them. How naïve he was. The boy was weak and he always would be. No matter how much he trained, no matter how brave he tried to be. He was scared. That night, he was met again by the calamity. Ur had shown up to rescue her disciple, only to sacrifice herself for his future. More weight was added to the boy's shoulders; yet another death to mourn. What made things worse was that this death was because of him. There was no denying it. He killed Ur. Lyon agreed with him. The final words the boy heard from the silverette's mouth before they parted ways were "This is all your fault. You killed Ur!" And then the boy was left there to wallow in his own guilt and regret. He shouldn't be here. Ur should have left him to die, however it was her wish that the boy kept living. So that's what he did. Any day he wanted to give in to the pain he would tell himself that he was living for Ur so her sacrifice wouldn't be in vain. It was easy to say that, but it never lessened the pain.

The boy felt like a sunset. Calm and content, yet he could feel the darkness of night closing in, consuming his very being.

It didn't get any better when he joined the guild. Though his life was full of new beginnings, new opportunities, new friends, the lingering sensation of death never left his spirit. Everyday the boy was surrounded with the cheery faces of his guild mates and as much as he wanted to smile and laugh along with them, it was just becoming too difficult. The pain was unbearable. And during Father's Day of year X781, the boy attempted suicide. He was sat in his guild hall, listening to his rival boast about his almighty dragon father. People had approached the boy and asked him what his own father was like, however, he just put on a forced smile and stated that he could no longer remember. Even the slightest mention of his late family was enough to bring tears to the boy's eyes. So he slipped out of the guild hall and hid deep inside the Eastern Forest. Approaching a stream, the boy called upon his magic and created an icy dagger. The sharp point was hovering over his heart as he thought back on his life. The boy honestly couldn't remember the last time he had been legitimately happy. He pulled the blade back slightly, ready to plunge it into his heart and end his unforgiving existence. That was until he heard a voice coming from behind him.

"Death won't change anything, you know."

"What do you want Gildarts?"

"I want you to think this through," the man took a step forward.

"Don't come near me!" The sudden outburst scared Gildarts, knowing one wrong move from his part and the boy's life was over.

"Okay, I'll stay here, but please, just listen to me."

"What's the point, your words won't change anything!" His hands were shaking on the hilt of the blade.

"You can't just give up on life like this, Gray. You've got to keep looking towards the future. Remaining caught up in the past will only lead to a life of misery."

"SHUT UP! You don't know anything!"

"Gray listen to me. You can't let Ur's sacrifice be in vain. What would she say if she was here right now?"

"Ur is DEAD!" The boy reeled back, ready to stab through his heart.

"She died so you could live. Don't pass up on this opportunity you've been given."

"I-I can't take this anymore. You don't understand!" Tears flooded down the boy's face.

"I do understand, Gray. Life has not been kind to you, you've been in a constant struggle for the past seven years. Everything's been so confusing that death seems like the only logical way out of this. You just want to rid yourself of this pain and confusion, right?"

"I... I..." The boy had completely run out of words. What was he supposed to say to that?

"How do you think your guild mates would react if you went ahead with this? What would Natsu do without his rival? Who would Cana and Loke go on jobs with? Loss is always a hard thing to handle, but please Gray, death is not the answer."

The boy's knee buckled and he fell down to the grassy plains. Just thinking of his friends' reactions to his untimely passing was enough to overwhelm him. They would be crying; they would be suffering because of him. Even in death the boy had no escape from the guilt. So all he could do was endure it.

The boy felt like a river. A constant flow of pain and misery, never running out.

It became unbearable when he was dragged along on that S-Class job. Not only did he have to come face to face with the demon that haunts him whenever his eyelids closed, but he also reunited with his fellow student, Lyon Vastia. That was a part of his life he'd much rather forget, but now he'd dragged his current family into his mess. All the boy could think to do was send them away and let him take the brute of Lyon's wrath. However, as usual, his bastard rival was too damn persistent. Not only had he been completely humiliated by his childhood friend, but now he was receiving pity from the one person who annoyed him to no end. Things couldn't get worse, right? Oh, but they did. Lyon was not only reviving the calamity itself, but destroying Ur's legacy in the process and the boy was NOT okay with this. The boy resolved to do whatever possible to prevent this from happening… and he meant anything! After encountering his surrogate brother a second time, the boy got into the deadly stance that the two ice wizards knew all too well. They would both remain frozen for eternity if he could pull this off. Unfortunately, Natsu Dragneel just had to get in the way. Stupid Natsu, didn't he know that he was prepared to die for this?

"So you're gonna end this by dying, huh? Stop running away!"

The boy was speechless. To say he wasn't expecting to hear that from Natsu would be the understatement of the century. Natsu had never before in his life shown any signs of caring for the boy. The two were rivals and that's that. They hated one other, so why did Natsu suddenly care so much? The pair remained at each other's throats until they sensed a tremor from below them. _Crap!_ Deliora would be fully revived any minute now. The fire dragon took a mad dash after one of Lyon's followers, leaving the boy to face off against his surrogate brother. He didn't want to fight, of course he didn't. There was no denying that Lyon was the more experienced of the two. If the older wizard were to use two hands in casting his magic, the boy was certain that it would be impossible to win. There was only one thing left to it. It was finally time to tell Lyon the truth.

That's when he felt it.

A sword plunging through his abdomen.

Blood spurted out as Lyon twisted and tugged the sword free. The boys form crumpled to the ground, gasping for breath and fighting back tears. God, it hurt! He peered through blurred eyes to see Lyon's sadistic grin smiling down upon him. This was not the same person he'd grown up with. Struggling back to his feet, the boy clutched his open wound with one hand whilst punching his surrogate brother with the other. The silverette stumbled back a few paces, his grin turning into a menacing scowl. The two males charged at one another; the boy was determined to win. He would not let his guild down again, he would not let his older brother destroy Ur's legacy. Ever since he bore the mark of his guild, he had never lost to the same person twice. He would win this.

The boy felt like an Ocean. So vast yet so empty.

Things were going great for a while. The boy had been chosen for the S-Class trials. Finally, he could make his family proud. He could prove to everyone that he was strong, he was courageous. There was no way he would allow Natsu to get the glory title before him. The boy had endured a harsh week of training with his partner and now he was ready. This was his moment… Or it would have been if it weren't for yet another enemy getting in the way of things. This time it was Grimoire Heart, the strongest dark guild in the Baram Alliance. The boy knew that this would be a tough fight, but Fairy Tail would prevail as always. He'd split off from the girls and was now searching for the enemy. What he didn't expect was to come face to face with Ultear, Ur's supposedly dead daughter. Not to mention that the woman was hauling Zeref along the beaten path with her. Ultear sounded sincere, but the boy wouldn't believe her lies. After parting ways, the boy caught Ultear swinging a sword down at a certain blue haired wizard. The boy wasted no time in jumping to her aid and managed to pull Juvia away from Ultear before she was decapitated. Why would she do such a thing? What made her become this way? How was it that she was still alive? The boy knew he had to fight, however his moves were very hesitant, knowing that Ur was watching him as he fought against her own flesh and blood. He couldn't do this, but did he really have a choice?

The boy felt like hail. You never know when the pain will come crashing down.

The boy and his friends had high spirits as they travelled back to their guild hall. They had just won the Grand Magic Games! Not only that, but they had also won the battle against Future Rogue and his army of Dragons. What worried the boy was the vision he and his friends witnessed during the battle. He had witnessed his body get massacred by the Dragon Hatchlings… he felt it too. Not the pain, but the sensation of death. He'd felt that before. Too many times to count. He was listening to his friend's conversations, laughing along with them as they watched Natsu complain about the motion. Things were fine until he noticed and elderly woman smiling at them from afar. At first, the boy thought nothing of it. That was until he noticed her eyes. He could never forget those eyes. The same eyes that glared daggers at him seven years ago during the S-Class Trials. No, no, NO! This wasn't happening again, this couldn't happen again. Realisation struck the boy like a lightning bolt. It was Ultear. She did it. She saved him in exchange for her time. Like mother, like daughter is what some people would say. The boy couldn't stop the inflow of tears as they poured down his face at the sight. His friends sent him worried glances, but the boy shut out the world. He hated it. He hated everything. How can people expect him to keep living knowing that he is causing others to die? The rest of the journey home was silent. A silence that crushed the boy until he could no longer stand being around another living creature, only to be given a pitiful glance and some words of reassurance. He could no longer cope.

The boy felt nothing. He was no longer happy, no longer sad. He felt nothing.

He'd just done it. He'd just killed his own father. Ripped through his chest with a metal ball so wide you could fit a fist through it without as much as touching the severed skin and muscle. He watched as his father crumpled to the ground, listened as he told him the truth, cried as his father begged to kill him. Silver rose to his feet and pulled his beloved son into a warm embrace for the last time. The boy wished that this could never end. He wished that his father could take him to the afterlife with him and remain in eternal happiness. Of course, the boy never received what he wished for and his father ascended into the sky to be with his mother. Before his departure, Silver had passed down his magic to his son. The boy was now an Ice Devil Slayer. With a new found drive to kill E.N.D. and avenge his loved ones, the boy left the tainted battlefield behind him and set out to assist his comrades in their battles. The sadness was gone from his being, along with any other emotion that he had known. The sensation of death still lingered, but the boy didn't care. He welcomed the feeling, his only feeling.

The boy felt like ice, shattered and broken. The fragments of his being scattered across the battle field slowly being melted away by the setting sun, waiting for the release of death.

Ice never lasts long.

* * *

 **So... did you like?**

 **I don't know how or why I got the sudden urge to write angst but I like how this one turned out. I hope you all liked it too.**

 **Adios!**


End file.
